cold to you [hiroki]

[KOUSETSU OOKAMI]

[atrb=cellSpacing,20,true, bTable][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 450px; background: transparent url(http://i56.tinypic.com/20z5t9z.jpg) repeat center center, bTable] looking back at me i see that i never really got it right i never stop to think of you i'm always wrapped up in things i cannot win

[atrb=style, border: 3px dashed steelblue; padding: 20px 20px; font-family: Verdana; color: #a5bbc4; word-spacing: 1px; text-align: justify; background: #585965; opacity: 0.7]Kousetsu could not believe his luck. No, this was past just horrible fortune. Past the idea of lady luck hating him. He could only stare at the note his uncle had left for him in disgust. His usual apathetic orb narrowed showing hatred. The note that was currently in his hand left him with something that should be normal, at least from what he had observed. Yes, it was a simple note of stating that the man was out today on a business trip. Due to this there would be no training...at least not guided training anyway. His uncle always let him rest on weekends but he would just train nonetheless determined to enter the Nube. He wanted to learn about his mother now that she was gone. He was curious about his father as well but there was no lead, at least no real lead anyway. He had some relatives in Japan but from what he gathered, they haven't spoken in years. Actually, he hasn't met any of his cousins from his father's side, that is to say if the man even have any in the first place. Again he reread the note for what he counted to be the twelfth time today hoping he had misread somehow but he knew he hadn't. His uncle really was out and that meant that he was going to have to take care of that boy. The eleven year old sighed at the mere thought. How he wished they had a babysitter. Most of the time his uncle would take care of the red head that much to his misfortune share half of his blood. He felt his hand clutch into fists wrinkling the poor piece of paper but he could care less about that right now. Was the boy even awake right now? He turned to the time to see that it was six. A bit early really, especially considering that this was the weekend, the time where most would sleep in. He suppose he should start making breakfast for the two of them. Normally a brother would know what his sibling want but with how detached he was to his own kin...or half kin anyway, he didn't know anything about him besides from what he looks like. He couldn't even remember the name for that matter. Not that he felt guilty or fretted over it. There was no reason to. The blond sighed as he started getting out the ingredients. He would just make some eggs and spam. If the kid didn't like it then he could starve. There was no reason to worry about what the red head's taste buds were. Actually the kid should be happy that he was getting something in the first place. Especially seeing how he was the reason why everything was ruined. His mother and father barely talking to each other and soon died. He can still remember that look on their face when he asked them what was wrong. Why didn't his mom just kill that baby or do that procedure to get rid of it. What was it called? Oh yes abortion. She already had a weak body, it was a miracle she survived giving birth to one child, why did she push for two? Especially when the child wasn't even something she was willing to do. Of course his mother was never one to like to kill others so he suppose that would be why but...why did she have to leave everyone behind for that stupid worthless kid? Kousetsu took out the frying pan before taking out the eggs. Before he even attempted to crack the egg though he took a deep breath to calm himself down. He was suppose to train so that he can clear his mind and not act on impulses or emotions. He would just have to heed to his uncle's request and take care of him. It was just for one day right? It can't be too bad. Besides it wasn't like he had to do anything much besides cooking for him. Yes, he didn't have to get along with that murderer, just tolerate. With that he cracked the egg and soon hear a small sizzle. He also put in some pieces of spam and smiled happy that it turned out well so far. He can remember the firs time he cooked by himself, as their father wallowed in grief, he had to make his own food. He had burnt his hand a bit as he wasn't so sure on how to cook at that time, he just tried his best to copy his mother which wasn't exactly that smart of a move. Surely it was a good thing his uncle came to check up on them a lot. Once the eggs was the done the male placed it on two plates. Now what to drink...he stared at the selection. Well he suppose he should go ahead and drink some milk. That would be good. With that he reached his hand to get the jug of milk and two cups to pour it into. With the preparations done, he had to do what he dreaded to do. Actually speak to the boy. The thought made him grit his teeth but still he quickly swallowed up his anger and walk upstairs. Kousetsu open the door to see that his assumption was right, the brat was still asleep. He proceeded over and grab the blanket rather roughly before pulling on it. "Wake up. Uncle is out today. I already make breakfast so come down and eat or just starve." he stated before walking out the door not even giving him a second glance to see if he was going to follow or not. He wanted to see as less of the kid as possible. His steps hurried down stairs as he was rather famished himself and started to eat his eggs.

[atrb=style, border: 3px dashed steelblue; padding: 5px 20px; font-family: Verdana; color: #a5bbc4; word-spacing: 1px; text-align: justify; background: #585965; opacity: 0.7] TAG, hiroki WORDS, 987 NOTES, so close CREDIT, this post temp was made by LUCI of ON THE EDGE. don't rip, she will raeg.

[HIROKI ITOSHIKI]

Lying awake, he could hear everything. It had been silence that reigned in the household however he could sense that today was going to be rougher than usual. He always had a little bit of that intuition but it wasn’t that hard to guess. It wasn’t rocket science to guess that your day was going to be bad if it’s only been some years since you murdered someone, after all. Although he has been told it’s not his fault by his uncle, it was obviously not the case. It was a lie, wasn’t it? Because if it wasn’t his fault, why would he be hurting on the inside? Why would pain grab his heart and strangle it with such a heavy burden of guilt? And why would his brother look at him with such eyes of hatred then turn his back with indifference? It made him restless, which was the reason he could not sleep.

He could hear his uncle in the earliest hours of the morning. Every stroke of the pen from outside his doors, he could see his premonition of a bad day coming true. It was with the quiet shut of the door that he realized that today, he was to be left all alone with his older brother. Half-brother, to be precise since only half their blood ran through the both of them. The blood of their mother who had died. Who he had killed. He’s been told before by his uncle that he held a resemblance to his mother. Although it was used to kind of assuage the young redhead, it had the reverse effect. That he looked like the person he killed and that his brother who loved that person so much now had to deal with him? Yeah, something like that definitely stressed him out.

It was only a few hours later that he heard the familiar sigh of his brother, Kousetsu. Really now. That kind of thing only made him more inclined towards his thoughts of going out for the day so as not to bother the blond. But if he were to do that, it would be uncharacteristic, right? He was determined to keep this façade. A mask of a cheerful and untroubled boy. He decided for himself that the best way to not trouble anyone is to appear not troubled himself. He had decided to be this ‘cute and innocent’ kid that would try his best to stay out of everyone’s way for everyone’s benefit. But there was an obvious rift between the two brothers. The younger redhead, Hiroki, made a point of that by not adopting the name of Ookami. He was ‘Itoshiki’. The name of the family of his mother’s and even that felt unbefitting. But by changing his name, he felt like he distanced himself a bit from Kousetsu who was pained by his presence.

He quietly stepped out of bed and snuck around, being quiet so as not to be caught by Kousetsu. He hid behind the wall of the kitchen after hearing the sizzle of the eggs, hissing like an angry cat. He watched as his half brother cooked. He was still a little clumsy with his cooking, as he noted, but in any case he cooked better than Hiroki. He looked at his brother with a light but regretful expression. Regretful that he was born in a manner that would not allow him to be close. Although he dedicated himself to distancing himself from his brother, there were still remnants, miniscule fragments within him that still yearned to develop that ‘close brotherly bond’ that he has seen and envied other brothers that had it. As the house was illuminated with the scent of breakfast, he could see Kousetsu begin to move away from the food.

He took that as a sign that he should quickly make it back to his room. He stowed away quietly into his room and made his way over to his bed. He laid on the bed and pulled the covers up over his head only to hear Kousetsu open the door moments later. Hiroki flinched feeling the blankets practically ripped off of him and avoided looking directly at Kousetsu. “O-okay. Thank you..” He got up and followed a few feet behind Kousetsu. He sat down a little after Kousetsu at the table and started eating, despite not really feeling like eating. In fact, he hated milk but he pretended he liked it. It fit his looks better than coffee anyway, right? He took a sip of the milk and smiled. “Thank you for cooking breakfast” He said meekly. He felt a bit tense and he was wondering once again if he should have stayed out the house that day.

[KOUSETSU OOKAMI]

[atrb=cellSpacing,20,true, bTable][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 450px; background: transparent url(http://i56.tinypic.com/20z5t9z.jpg) repeat center center, bTable] looking back at me i see that i never really got it right i never stop to think of you i'm always wrapped up in things i cannot win

[atrb=style, border: 3px dashed steelblue; padding: 20px 20px; font-family: Verdana; color: #a5bbc4; word-spacing: 1px; text-align: justify; background: #585965; opacity: 0.7]When Kousetsu informed the boy that breakfast was ready, he can hear a meek “O-okay. Thank you..”. Obviously there was some discomfort in his voice but he didn't bother to assure him of anything. He didn't even know how his uncle could put up with the boy. He remembered the day he heard his uncle comfort the red head that it wasn't his fault that their mother died. Lies. If he wasn't born. If only he was aborted. If she didn't get raped. If that child didn't exist! In a world where the red head wasn't born, the one that had his mother's red hair and soft crimson eyes. Then he would still have both of his parents, then he wouldn't have to look at the teachers around him who showed pity, who gave him small comforting words, who had patronized him. Even though he knew they meant well, their words, the look in their eyes, the way they would pat him, it only made him feel so ashamed and their constant condolences or pity only reminded him of his situation over and over. The worse was always when they give out awards, being an academic he usually got one or two awards at least but while other kids would run up to their parents, he didn't have that pleasure. Instead if he was lucky, his uncle would make it or he simply took the awards and then sneak out. Yet as bad as it was, the blond couldn't find himself to hate others. It wasn't their faults, they only meant well. If anyone was to blame, it was that murderer. The worst part was that when he first held onto him he was so happy. The baby was safe and he was finally going to have a younger brother. If only he had knew the cost back then. He would had dropped the baby, pray that he died if it meant that his mother would survive, if it meant that he would have a complete family. Gaining one, no not even just a half, of a member for the family was not worth the disposal of the other two. Great, his day was getting worse. This was why he didn't like even being in the same house as the six year old boy. It was horrible seeing him and remembering such things. Things that he had buried to the best of his abilities. Before they moved, he had even placed all of the old family albums he never let his younger half-brother see in the yard. At first he was planning to burn it but couldn't bring himself to and so he decided to just bury it and forget about it. Too bad the younger male had to look like his mother instead of the rapist. That would had been much better. Once downstairs he started on his meal and it was only when he sat down that he noticed the kid did follow him. Joy. Inwardly he had rolled his eyes but on the outside he tried his best not to show any signs of irritation. Yet if one was to look at his emerald eyes, they would see rather obvious hatred. He dug his fork into the one whole yolk and watch it bleed...if that was the right word for it even. He couldn't be too sure since after all only things that are actually alive can bleed right? Whatever, it didn't matter much anyway. He just started to eat it when again he heard a small meek voice. “Thank you for cooking breakfast” For a moment he stopped and looked up from his food to see his little brother. It was a custom in Japan but from what he noticed they didn't seem to care that much in Italy. Really it was a normal thing to cook in one's household. Yet now that the eleven year old thought about it, it has been about a month since the last time he cook something for the kid wasn't it? How he wished it would had been longer. There was no you're welcome from his mouth. Instead he had merely nodded and quickly switched topics. "Uncle has left for the day and it is my job to take care of you." he informed. The moment the words came from his lips he had felt disgusted with himself. The idea of having to feed and watch over the person that killed his mother and wrecked his family. He felt like he was betraying them now. Yet it was the request of his mentor and uncle so he was going to have to abide it no matter how much it killed him on the inside and trust him, he really wanted to just hand himself. Well okay maybe not. He didn't want to follow his father and commit suicide, he was the only son of the couple after all, in a way he was their living legacy. The only lasting proof of their existence and if he was to die then there was no actual proof anymore. No one to ask what the couple was like, to ask if they were nice or strict parents. No, he was going to live no matter what. In the back of his mind he wondered how he was suppose to take care of the kid. Last time he did it, he just fed him and left him alone. Yet when his uncle came home and asked him where the boy was and his answer was that he didn't know, his uncle was rather angry. The man apparently wanted the two to bond but that was such a groundless wish. So he suppose he was going to act like he could look at the kid for today at least. This was not going to be fun. "Do have any homework over the weekend?' he asked even though in truth he didn't care.

[atrb=style, border: 3px dashed steelblue; padding: 5px 20px; font-family: Verdana; color: #a5bbc4; word-spacing: 1px; text-align: justify; background: #585965; opacity: 0.7] TAG, hiroki WORDS, 990 NOTES, wanna hit kou for me? CREDIT, this post temp was made by LUCI of ON THE EDGE. don't rip, she will raeg.

[HIROKI ITOSHIKI]

It was uncomfortable. It was suffocating. It was tense. It was these moments that really made him skittish around the house, however Hiroki did somewhat appreciate moments like these. Where he was left alone with Kousetsu so that he could observe Kousetsu in a way that he couldn’t when others were around or whenever he was by himself. Despite being hated for what he had no control over, Hiroki understood Kousetsu’s frustration and still loved his older brother. He still yearned for that kind of brotherly attention. He wasn’t aware at this age that as he got older, he’d come to punish himself by further distancing himself from his brother whenever he could. After all, what pain is worse than hurting a loved one? But that’s much further in the future.

Hiroki was still young and, as such, was naturally proud of his older brother. He felt very proud to be able to think that Kousetsu had won awards that other kids didn’t. He would see that his brother wasn’t always content with the awards he got. After all, uncle could only show up so often since it seemed like he was always busy with something new every day. The young redhead had always wanted to go up to his brother and congratulate him happily or maybe even brag a little about it, but he knew that that wouldn’t make Kousetsu happy. So, he kept his distance and tried to ignore those kinds of things, so as not to trouble him. If it made it easier for Kousetsu for them to be apart, then that’s just how it’s going to have to be.

Anyway, back to the present…he had been eating the breakfast prepared by his brother. It had been so long since he had breakfast made by Kousetsu. He savored every bite. It was just unfortunate that there was so much tenseness between the two half brothers. As he said his thanks, he could see that Kousetsu nodded a little in response to his thanks. He was just a bit happy to get something that acknowledged his thanks. It wasn’t something necessarily bad since Kousetsu could have just ignored him. He blinked hearing Kousetsu speak to him. Of course, it was something he’s heard already, seeing as he was up quite early that day, but he nodded as if he didn’t know. “Okay..” He replied timidly.

He was about to initiate his nervous habit of fidgeting his legs, but was interrupted by Kousetsu’s question. Homework…Well, in all honesty, he had finished his homework the very day that it was assigned. He was decent enough at his studies, not as much as Kousetsu, but decent. That’s why, along with his frail appearance, he was made to be an easy target for bullies. He already didn’t fit in so well being that he was prone to being by himself and he was a Japanese person going to an Italian school. Even though he was done doing his own homework, he had to complete the homework of those bullies, too. He sighed inwardly but made sure not to show it on his face, giving a small smile to Kousetsu, despite not looking him in the eyes, “I still have a little bit left to do, but it shouldn’t be too hard.”

It felt awkward, to say the least. Having a conversation that seemed a bit forced on Kousetsu’s part, seeing as he didn’t want to speak with the redhead. However, Hiroki actually enjoyed it a little. It sounded almost like something a brother would talk about with his brother. Hiroki treasured small moments like this, but at the same time it made him uneasy. He didn’t know what to talk about, how to continue the conversation, or if he should even continue it at all. He decided to try to continue a conversation, “I heard that you got a new award. I can tell uncle was really happy when he heard about it. Congratulations.” He said it with such a mousy voice that it wasn’t that hard to tell that he felt a little nervous.